Saturday, February 24, 2007

SPACE MADNESS: THE MOVIE



By Mike Schneider
Updated: 10:20 p.m. ET Feb 23, 2007
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - What would happen if an astronaut came unglued in space and, say, destroyed the ship’s oxygen system or tried to open the hatch and kill everyone aboard?
That was the question on some minds after the apparent breakdown of Lisa Nowak, arrested in Orlando this month on charges she tried to kidnap and kill a woman she regarded as her rival for another astronaut’s affections.
It turns out NASA has a detailed set of written procedures for dealing with a suicidal or psychotic astronaut in space. The documents, obtained this week by The Associated Press, say the astronaut’s crewmates should bind his wrists and ankles with duct tape, tie him down with a bungee cord and inject him with tranquilizers if necessary
Wait, there's more...

The crew members might have to rely in large part on brute strength to subdue an out-of-control astronaut. A gun would be out of the question; a bullet could pierce a spaceship and could kill everyone. There are no stun guns on hand either.
How Moonraker!...

Space station medical kits contain tranquilizers and anti-depression, anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic medications. Shuttle medical kits have anti-psychotic medication but not antidepressants, since they take several weeks to be effective and shuttle flights last less than two weeks...
I suppose a cocktail is out of the question...You know, Lisa wasn't really crazy, she was passionate. OH, LISA...WHY WON'T THEY LEAVE YOU ALONE? Similarly the android in the movie "Alien" wasn't crazy. He just wasn't taking his meds. I claimed the term "space madness" and should've copywritten it. I knew someone would jump on it. I want to form a band and call it "Space Madness" or "Diaper to Orlando" or "Crazy Astronaut".

You know it's a matter of time until there's a movie. Maybe they'll let me write it. I'd do a bang-up job, but I'd put an alien in her trunk.

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